To my friend Shandy

When I was in 7th grade I was driving one of my friends crazy.   In response to my antics she slapped me.  I totally deserved it.  Instead of being mad at her I got the picture that our conversation was over.  The end.  Well, just today I was freaking out and my dear friend Shandy had to listen to me.  Sorry Shandy.  You didn't need my emotional vomit.  I learned.  For now.  I hope.  

Changing Vision

My friends laugh at me because my life plans change about every 5 minutes on average.  There are so many fun things to do.  How shall I do them all?  I'm so blessed to have so many excellent friends.  If I had never moved to where I am now I should have never met them.  Sad.  But I did move and here I am surrounded by fantastic people.  Where shall I move next and whom next shall I meet?

It's time to change MY world

I think that's what I meant with the title of this blog.  I need to change my little world.  My funny funny little world as Shandy likes to call it.  Is there something wrong the fact that I've watched Much Ado About Nothing four times in five days?  Could that be considered unhealthy?  

I've learned that I'm not as good at moderating my calories and I initially thought.  Marian and I decided that the goal is to be in a 500kcal/ day deficit.  (kcal means kilocalorie)  The truth is that I'm not so good at that.  Also, I was teaching a class today about overeating and why we do it.  I was pondering on why I sat down and ate half a medium vegetarian pizza with Stef the other weekend.  So what happens is I rarely have pizza and when I do I'm generally watching a movie while eating and thus I eat 1000 calories before I even know I'm doing it.  Not so healthy.  I've learned that to overfeed myself and overload my system is wasteful and unhealthy.  And so I shall try to alter my behavior.  

The end of the story

I've decided that I'm not a good reader.  All I want to do is get to the end of the book.  Rarely do I pause to enjoy where I'm at in the story to savor all the lovely details and picture myself in the scene with the hero/ heroine because I just want to know how it ends.  What's the result?  How do the problems resolve?  The feeling of finishing is so satisfying.  One can reach "The End" of a story.  This thirst for finality bleeds over into my life.  When a new chapter of drama begins in my little world I immediately want to know how it will end.  I was counseled today about finding joy in the journey.  The plot line may not play out for weeks or months so I might as well enjoy where I'm at now.  There's a general, hopeful feeling that the future will be an improvement to present woes but that's not necessarily the case.  Looking forward to some future event to complete my happiness is just laziness.  I'm too lazy to find the fabulous in this very instant.  Maybe it's a lack of creativity.  Maybe I've over indulged my pessimistic side.  I bet it's a lack of gratitude.  President Hinckley counseled us to be grateful.  As I teach my nutrition classes I've been reflecting on the importance of gratitude for the way our bodies are right now.  Are our bones broken?  Are we on dialysis?  Can we run errands and clean the house, etc?  We feel health is status quo until we are unhealthy.  Once illness creeps into our lives we long for the blissful days when we could take our bodies for granted.  The human body is a miracle.  We do miraculous things every day without knowing.  Our hearts beat independent of conscious thought.  We don't force it to beat neither do we thank it for performing it's function so beautifully.  But when it stops... then we realize what it was doing for us.  Put your hand over your heart and thank it for keeping you alive.  

Awesome Quotes

"Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect, it means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections."  - Unknown

The same person who shared this with me also shared a quote about how circumstances can influence who we are but in the end we are the product of our choices.  It's how we choose to deal with what we've been given.  

Elder George Q. Cannon said: "The Saints should always remember that God sees no as man sees; that he does not willingly afflict his children, and that if he requires them to endure present privation and trial, it is that they may escape greater tribulations which would otherwise inevitably overtake them.  If he deprives them of any present blessing, it is that he may bestow upon them greater and more glorious ones by-and-by."

I love light!

After the giant snow storm that took me by surprise I was delighted that the sun peaked through the clouds as if to say: "don't forget me.  I'll be back soon."  One of my favorite thing about Provo is that the mountains drape themselves in fluffy clouds to remind us how lofty they are.  They put on airs like fine and fashionable ladies.  Flaunting their ethereal accessories they gaze at the ants racing by below them.  I like to climb the mountains.  Borrowing their vantage point I gain perspective as I, too, gaze at the ants.  At the end of the excursion tragically I devolve into what I am: an ant.  But even as an ant I can appreciate the light that filters through to the "trenches."  Beams of light cut through haze and gloom to bring hope and remind us of the time we climbed the mountain.  The time when we remembered what was really important in life.  The time when we could see things as they really are.  Small.  Insignificant.  Confined to a small, inconsequential area of a much, much larger world.  

My take on life

People will always be full of surprises.  I think I can read people, I think I know what they're about, but then something totally unexpected happens.  When will I learn not to make assumptions?  I had an interesting experience on Saturday.  I learned that it's not cool to let a boy into your house when you're on a date.  But if you happen to let the boy in you just might find out that he's an insensitive jerk in spite of the fact that he tries to pass himself off as sensitive and chivalrous.   And what if you don't know how you feel about the boy you were with on Saturday anyway?  What does that mean?  What should you do?  What if he's a really nice guy and you feel pretty comfortable around him?  

So I went to "He's Just Not That Into You" with some friends.  (Girls of course.)  It was amusing.  I feel it had some truth to it.  The problems was the whole "affair" bit of the story.  I loved the Jennifer Aniston - Ben Affleck story about how they did end up getting married.  That was a cool message in times like these when people DON'T get married.  In the end I'm not sure the movie made me a better person but I saw it anyway.   

Recognition is the first step

I realized the other day that I take work home with me and I take home to work.  It's not a good combination either way.  It's pretty unhealthy actually and it got me into some trouble...  So when I feel like I'm doing pretty good at trying to be a good person my flaws become more prominent and then I have to ask myself if I really want to change.  Do I really want to sacrifice my favorite sins and excuses?  I'm in the pre-contemplative stage of change.  I'm not convinced quite yet that I need to do what I feel I should.  By avoiding the necessary changes that are limiting my progression I'm choosing to remain, well, limited.  Another word for limited is damned.  I dam my own growth.  I was just re-reading a talk by Boyd K. Packer that really influenced my mission that reminds us that spiritual growth is just that: growth.  It doesn't happen all at once.  It's a lifelong process.  I mistakenly feel a sense of complacency and achievement at times in my life when I feel I'm doing okay.  The problem is that I could be doing AWESOME.  

Busy, but to what end?

Peace.  Be still.  

Let calm envelop you.

Smooth rushed and wrinkled thoughts.

Rapidly swirling feelings cloud the surface of the mind with emotional debris but arrive at no good place.

I weary myself running in pointless circles with no destination in the hope of appearing occupied, driven, important.  Ha.

The irony is that cool, deliberate effort, unhurried by false pretenses, will yield the desired results.