Yay for good weather! News update: I've moved. I now live in heaven. The Green House experience will be a treasured memory but now I've moved into The Burrow and it is divine. There is peace, harmony, and a dishwasher. It's lovely. I experienced all the usual side effects of change: hyperactivity followed by a crash, super sensitive emotions, and the initiation of new dreams. I get to live with Jayne, Valerie, Jack Jack, and Riley. The rules are MUCH less relaxed in non-BYU approved housing. Just kidding. Jack Jack is a turtle and Riley is a cat. And Jayne and Valerie are fabulous. Our neighbors are charming. Kitty (Caddy) Corner neighbor brought Jayne over apples and Koolaid. Just West neighbor is a Brit who lived in Victoria and knows what it is to have had tea at the Empress Hotel. Her dog may be the most obese mammal I've ever encountered. He thinks our yard is a restroom. Directly in Front neighbor sells Avon and is going to get me some blush. To the East neighbors have several very cute kids who are unmolested by traffic. Riley spends a lot of time in their yard. Life at The Burrow is going to be charming.

I am waiting for my cheesecake.  The fact is that I hate sick food.  Food that gives the appearance of deliciousness but tastes like garbage is not worth my time.  I'm very choosey about where I will spend my calories... most of the time.  I've got to go rewind the last Pride and Prejudice VHS so I can put in the next one.  Bye!

Now that I'm old enough to pay attention to conference and not fall asleep (at least until the Sunday afternoon session) I'm noticing patterns.  October conference 2006 (?) everyone seemed to reference Matthew 11:28-29 : "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls."  

Several themes were apparent to me during this conference.  There was a lot of discussion about being strong and self reliant, being provident providers, focusing on the temple and temple covenants, using the gospel as a source of strength, etc.  

Elder Hales talk on overcoming addictions and appetites was REALLY interesting.  I've been thinking about my addictions and appetites that are out of control.  To counter balance my propensity to sit and ponder and do nothing about reaching goals I have developed the ability to be impulsive.  When I finally decide I want something or want to do something I want to do it now!  I want to satisfy my appetite for that particular thing/ activity.  This has led me into some self-imposed bondage.   I've never been deeply in debt or in any serious trouble but the idea that I have this character flaw is somewhat distressing and if I can't fix it now it could get me into trouble.  My personality doesn't really lend itself to cool, deliberate decision making.  I get the opportunity to grow.  Yay me.  

Sister Liffereth touched on another topic that is vitally important: respect.  Do we really respect each other and our differences?  My generation and the ones that follow have lost the desire to treat others equitably.  We have no respect for others and we have no self respect because we don't understand the principles of sacrifice.  When we sacrifice for what we want we gain self respect and we can recognize the sacrifices others have made and treat them accordingly.  Can we work to achieve our goals?  Can we push ourselves beyond our limits?

My Grandpa Peterson used to say: "work will win while wishy, washy, wishing won't."  Work will win self respect and respect for the work of others.  Work will win the goals we wish to achieve.  Work will win while getting into debt to appease over active appetites won't.  Time to go to work.  

Sometimes I feel like two different people.  There's the one Jess that has her life together and she's focused and driven and motivated.  The other one is the opposite.  She's fatalistic and lazy and lives to procrastinate.  Which one of me will win?  I want to be doing something different but that takes lots of effort.  Can someone just fix my life for me?  I went to visit my friend Jayne.  Jayne just bought a house and she wants me to move in with her.  Somehow I just can't make myself want to move away from campus.  I like the life, the transition-ness of this place.  I LOVE the green house with all it's drafty craziness.  Why can't I grow up?  I'm not ready to settle down.  Is that okay?

So my new thing is gratitude.  I need some.  My father reminded me that I have "the-grass-is-greeneritis" really bad.  What happens is I plan on being happy at a different time, in a different place, under different circumstances. The well known irony of the situation is that my malcontented attitude will follow me to every new circumstance.  And so I am learning to be grateful for what I have.  It makes me a happier, more positive person.   This quote from President Monson's talk "Finding Joy in the Journey" is fantastic and really made an impression on me.  He said; "Said the Lord in a revelation given through the Prophet Joseph Smith, 'In nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things.'  May we be found among those who give our thanks to our Heavenly Father.  If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues."     

Currently I'm not very disciplined when it comes to my schedule, my finances, working out, etc.  The fact is that I am a very laid back, chill, flexible person.  (Most of the time... there are exceptions to this.)  What this means is that I have only recently paid off my credit card, I have no savings, I'm over weight, and I'm tired because I can't seem to get to bed on time.  Not being able to get to bed on time is a sign that I have awesome friends and roommates (who are also friends) that are fun to talk to into the wee hours of the morning.  My body isn't so grateful for good friends the next day when it has to function, however, and wishes I would care for it in a more responsible manner.  Oh, body.  Why are you so needy all the time?  Part of my problem is that I have always felt very entitled.  My parents made amazing sacrifices for me so that I wouldn't have to sacrifice to get what I wanted.  They helped med significantly through college and supported me on my mission.  My father wisely cautioned me that because of parental interference my experiences wouldn't be as meaningful.  He is right.  "... the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph..."  Thomas Paine.  I still got a great deal of good from those experiences but it would have meant more if I had sacrificed to achieve my goals.  Well, what's done is done but I'm realizing a problem in my thought process.  It's hard for me to realize that $13,000 is earned one dollar at a time.  Small retrenchments in my spending patterns can get me where I want to go.  Rate of goal achievement is directly related to my dedication in sacrificing behaviors that impede my progress.   So, what am I to do?  I can either stay the same and hate myself for not achieving my potential or I can stretch myself through the slightly uncomfortable but ultimately rewarding process of change.  The fact that I've lived this way all my life is an obstacle.  As we see ourselves doing new things we feel strange and not like ourselves.  Is this me getting up at 5am to exercise?  Is this me saying no to dinner with friends to save money?  Is this me bringing my lunch to work every day to be more healthy?  It's a surprise until new behavior becomes custom.   I almost have myself convinced...

Oh, snow.  Why are you so cold all the time?